(This is Part 1 of a series.)
One of the most important elements in working with affirmations is to allow ourselves to be okay with the sense of dissonance that often arises at first.
A good affirmation will almost always create a sense of dissonance when we first begin to use it. The feeling is, "This isn't true; this isn't so; this is laughable; it's too far from my reality."
This is particularly so if the affirmation is in the present tense—as if it had already occurred—which is the most fruitful form of affirmation.
If the affirmation feels right to you at a deep level, then don't be discouraged by this dissonance. It's something to be expected, and doesn't mean that the affirmation isn't suitable for you.
Actually, the presence of this dissonance is one of the signs that the affirmation is powerful for us, because it means that the affirmation is directly contradicting some negative or disempowering thought-complex.
For example, suppose we decide that we'd like to work with disadvantaged children in Third World countries or the Inner City, that this would be a kind of contribution that we'd like to make and that calls to us.
Most likely, thoughts will come up along these lines: "I'm too old (too young, too inexperienced, too untalented)." "It's too impractical." "Who am I to think I can make a difference?" "What difference would it make anyway in a sea of suffering?" And so on.
These dissonant thoughts can be called secondaries, and the main thing about secondaries is just to let them be there without giving them energy—that is, neither fighting with them nor buying-in to them.
If we react to a secondary by rejecting it—"Go away!"—or by buying-in to it—"Oh, that's so true"—either way, we're giving it more power than it deserves. When secondaries arise we don't have to "pick them up," as it were. We can just let them be there without getting involved with them.
If the affirmation feels right, then the thing to do is just to proceed in great trust, leaving the outcome to existence.
The best way to use an affirmation is to play with it, to play with the energy. If we hold on too tight, insisting that things have to turn out such-and-such a way, then our use of that affirmation will be much less powerful. And this lack of power won't be due to the affirmation, but rather, to our lack of trust.
To use a metaphor, the existence knows what it's doing. It knows far better than we do how things are supposed to go. When we can trust the existence at a deep level, something relaxes inside.
And then, within that relaxation, within that deep context of trust and flow and acceptance, our preference can ride on the surface, like surfing a wave. And our preference will either turn out or it won't. Paradoxically, though, when we hold on to it lightly and playfully it's much more likely to appear in reality.
Finally, it's a good idea to just say the affirmation a few times each day without asking if it's working or not. When we plant a seed in the ground we don't dig it up each day to see how it's doing. We know that the seed has to work underground for awhile. And so it is with our affirmations.
(This is the end of Part 1. Go to Part 2.)
—jim sloman, 6.6.04 for July 3
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